sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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