We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
