how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
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We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
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Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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