if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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