i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
