I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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