1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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