Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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