Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
