he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
