It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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