well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
