They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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