is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
