he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
