Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
