She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
