She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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