Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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