That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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