It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
