I want to make a zoo with you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
