Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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