If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
