What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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