Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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