He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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