just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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