all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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