I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
