I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
