I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
is wine microwaveable?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
