at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Pooping to opera.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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