you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
