Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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