Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
