I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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