Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
