it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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