We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
