If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
