Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
