How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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