it wasn't lemon gatorade
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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