i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
