she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
