my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
