I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
