we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
