I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I need moral support for this bender
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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