Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sext me about skeletons
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
