For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
