I am puke
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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