How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
