Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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