My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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