It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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