: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
