is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
