So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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