Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
They should really pass out barf bags in church
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
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A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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