The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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