You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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