I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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