I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
